150 things i can t do list at hogwarts
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1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons, nor will I insist that their House colors indicated that they are covered with bees.
2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steven Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.
3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not “an extra credit project” for herbology.
4. “I’ve heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood’s name” is not a challenge.
5. Putting up Doug Henning posters in Filch’s office is not appropriate.
6. I will not go to class skyclad.
7. The giant squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.
8. I will not use Umbridge’s quill to write “I told you I was hardcore”
9. I will stop referring to showering as “giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful”
10. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable; “polishing my wand” is not
11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a dark mark on their arm.
12. House elves are not acceptable replacements for bludgers.
13. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year’s Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky…and not an acceptable money making concept.
14. I will not start every Potions class by asking Professor Snape if today’s project is suitable for use as a sexual lubricant.
15. “Liften, Seperatius, Crotchum” is not a real spell.
16. I will not claim Chick Tracts are an accurate presentation of Muggle life.
17. Seamus Finnegan is not “after me lucky charms”
18. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as “bookends”
19. I will not refer to the Patil twins as “bookends”
20. I will not call the Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.
21. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.
22. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.
23. I will not bring a Magic 8 Ball to Divination class.
24. I will not place anything by Silver Ravenwolf on the library shelves.
25. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell “Pwned!”
26. I am not a sloth animagus.
27. I am not a tribble animagus.
28. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, tasmanian devil or a piranha.
29. I do not weigh the same as a duck.
30. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.
31. I do not have a Dalek patronus.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
33. I will stop asking the Arithmacy teacher what the square root of -1 is.
34. The Ravenclaws are not “Mentats in Training”.
35. Any resemblance between dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.
36. I will not change the password to the prefects’ bath to “Makes Getting Clean Almost as Much Fun as Getting Dirty”.
37. There is no such thing as an invisibility thong.
38. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as “Admiral Naismith”.
39. Asking “How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?” and walking away is only funny the first time.
40. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
41. I will not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.
42. 42 is not the answer to every question on the OWL’s.
43. It’s a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself to seriously.
44. I am not to owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspect Death Eaters.
45. I will not offer to prepare tandoori owl.
46. I will stop asking when we will learn to make “Love Potion Number Nine”
47. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.
48. I will not teach the First Years to sing “A Wizards Staff has a Knob on the End”
49. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.
50. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.
51. I will not go to meals dressed as Choda Boy.
52. Sirius Black did not found the Sirius Cybernetics Corps. .
53. I will not draw an H on Percy Weasley’s forehead.
54. My name is not Captain Subtext.
55. Black Phoenix Alchemy Lab does not sell potion ingredients, and I will not resell their products as “veela pheromones”.
56. I will not refer to Kingsley Shacklebolt as “Big Black Sex Auror”.
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